I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
