i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Vodka?
Forever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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