i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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