The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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