As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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