Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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