My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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