Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
