yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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