So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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