sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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