An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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