An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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