he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
