false alarm. still invincible.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
