Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
