just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
