How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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