I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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