he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
