Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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