she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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