Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
