Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My life is pants optional.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
