Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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