I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
