I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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