oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
