Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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