umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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