I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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