You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
