I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
