The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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