I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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