and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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