Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
