im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
