I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
