I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
