How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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