I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
