we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
