At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
