apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
two words...techno handjob
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
