They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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