I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
