Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
