my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize