she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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