I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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