Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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