Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize