Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
