Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
