do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize