Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
