In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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