that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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