just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize