I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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