Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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