i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
