you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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