sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
