I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
