my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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